Having it Backwards

I have a huge term paper to write and I have writer's block. So, I decided to start my doing something brainless- like the reference page.

Now, I have a perfectly formatted list of 23 references. Working backwards, I should do the conclusion, then expected results, method, design, hypotheses, and literature review.

C.R.A.P.- Cannot.Remember.Anything.Problem.

Focus, focus, focus. I have notes, annotations, abstracts.

Watched Bridget's Jones Diary for a full hour and a half. Very funny.

Took a break from taking a break and made coffee. Hmm, maybe some cereal too, and leftovers from lunch.

Oh my god, I am too full to think straight. My pants are uncomfortable tight. Disturbing.

Weight, 128 lbs. Alcohol units, 0. Caffeine units, 2. Dread level, 100%.

Getting it together. Getting it together. I am the intellectual equivalent of everyone else in this room. My poster of Jim Morrison is not reassuring.

Got into a much more comfortable position. Legs stretched, back straight, hands free to type. Excellent.

S.H.I.T.- Seriously.Hitting.Idiocy.Target

Why did I sign up for this? I could have taken a random 300 level undergraduate class and gotten away with 4 exams and 10 quizzes. Why did I sign up for a 500 level class filled with dedicated people who actually care about the subject?

I guess there is no point arguing with that now. My childhood has conditioned me to strive for a level of excellence I neither care for nor am willing to put in the effort toward. Whats worse is that everything I have done so far is not even noteworthy compared to other people I know, so I don't even feel a sense of achievement. I guess that is fair, no one should give you points just for getting it right. You have to do something extraordinary.

E.X.T.R.A.O.R.D.I.N.A.R.Y.- Escaping.Xeroxed.Typical.Route.Away to.Other.Roads.Demands.Intelligent.Navigation.Away from. Regular.Yearnings.

Right. Get it together, Jones.

Home Stretch

This is it- the final week of my final year. PHEW.

Last week of classes, anyway, and then a week of exams.

I am freaking out like a monkey in a market.

I have so much to do in so little time. The trouble is, I have no idea how to do it. I keep trying to roadmap it in my head- but I keep faltering.

Break it down, prioritize, execute. Simple.

I am off to do that now.

Its Official

I'm going to start the econ MA program at my current university in the Fall. I am moving out of my undergrad lair of three years into a tiny, but cute little studio downtown. :) Hurray for my first place on my own!!!

My boyfriend just told me, "Aww... my little girl is growing up." Very funny. He is lucky that didn't lead to a fight.

Biafra

Looks like the process of weeding sad readings from my life is impossible until I finish this project at work about West Africa. I am now reading a man's personal memoirs of Biafra. He was in the peace corp/red cross relief effort during the war. There are no limits to the amount of suffering humans can inflict on each other. And there is no limit to how small and trivial decisions collectively lead to big disasters. Isn't any sort of pogrom a result, not of a single order, but of a brew of years of little prejudices and disappointments welling up into a boiling fit of rage and madness?